You can’t craft the blues away

31 01 2007

Have you ever had one of those days where you can’t stop shaking?  And it’s not cold?  I’ve had that kind of day for a few days in a row.  Admitting something to yourself is hard enough.  Saying it outloud to others is harder though.  It makes it real.

I have probably suffered from depression on and off since I was a child.  (Surprisingly, I never got post-partum depression though.)  It runs in the family.  I think every single person in my family has depression (we also each own a pair of glasses of varying strength.)  I’ve never admitted it though.  In the past few years, I have learned to craft it away (craft binges, I guess.)  If I stayed busy enough, I couldn’t think.  I guess it has finally caught up to me.  Its not working.  Its been almost a month and its only getting worse.  Anxiety attacks now feel as common as a sneeze.  It has started to affect my family.  So it was time to come clean.  I have never wanted to tell my husband, mostly out of fear.  But I did.  Because I need his support and understanding more than anything.  And maybe my level of freak-out was enough to make him be supportive and understanding.

So the next morning I woke up and called and made an appointment to get help.  The only thing is (and one thing that has held me back in the past) , we live in a very small community.  And our best friend works in mental health.  So when I called, he answered.  And I had to admit it to him as well.  I almost broke and started crying.  And I shook so bad after I made my appointment.  I guess one good thing about being friends with him, is that he cannot help me, so I skip a step and go straight to the doctor.  So here’s hoping I’ll get help and start feeling better, more like myself.  And maybe then, I’ll have more motivation to craft again.

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6 responses

31 01 2007
Angela

I understand. I really do. I have been there and often go back there. I hope you get some help and start feeling better soon. You’ve made a brave and big step! hugs to you.

31 01 2007
Laurie

I understand, too. So very well. I know how hard it was for you to share what you are feeling. Keep in mind that feeling better may take some time. If you need an ear email me.

1 02 2007
manda

I wish that it was accepted and truly understood that mental illness is a common as any other kind of illness and holds as little shame as suffering from a cold.
I too have often struggled with it and have also balked at the idea of seeking help and making it all real. But you are absolutely doing the right and brave thing. Good luck and I hope you have a speedy recovery. hugs.

2 02 2007
Kelly

Ditto, me. No one but those who suffer from depression can understand completely, even once educated. Same with anxiety. What I wish you most is good mental health care which can be difficult to find (and is often trial and error). I haven’t checked to see where you live, but if it’s gloomy, it doesn’t help. I’ve really no wisdom to share BUT if they prescribe meds, unless you are truly freaking out on them, stick with it. The side effects nearly often do pass in a few weeks.

And, hey, crafting is healthy so if it helps even a little, keep craftin’ girl!

8 02 2007
shabbychicshar

Just remember you are not the only one dealing with these same issues. Sometimes it is hard to admit it and just keep thinking it will go away but it doesn’t. Mine comes and goes and it was a very hard thing for me to tell my husband also. But hang in there and keep thinking positive. I try to tell myself that it is just another bump in the road and it will pass (sometimes it just takes longer than others) and crafting is always good!! Take care and keep posting.

24 02 2007
Sarah

I am late to the game here, but I hope things are improving.

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